Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3-4 NKJV

I’ve pointed y’all in the direction of my girlfriend Lacey’s blog before, but she wrote a very poignant post today about turning everything, and she means EVERYTHING, over to God. Please take the time to read her post about God’s special blessings – aka children 🙂

I only have one sweet blessing from above (in the form of a child) on this earth; there’s one that’s in God’s hands also – a pregnancy that was over almost before I knew it existed. The doctor called it a “chemical pregnancy”; if not for our modern day pregnancy tests, I might simply have thought my cycle was late. That doesn’t change the fact that I grieved and mourned for this child I only knew existed for 3 days. I had lost a baby.

When Teddy was 18 month old, I was rushed to the ER with severe abdominal pain. At first the thinking was appendicitis, but all my symptoms weren’t 100% matching up. Then they figured out I was having ovarian torsion (ovarian = ovary, torsion = twisting); I’d developed a cyst on my right ovary, which made it top-heavy, so it flipped over, cutting off it’s blood supply. I’m not kidding, this was more painful than childbirth (and I made it to 6 cm with no pain meds hooked up to pitocin)! One emergency outpatient surgery later, and I’m released to go home. You should’ve SEEN the docs face when he said “Now don’t lift anything heavier than 10 lbs until your follow-up,” and I replied (still HEAVILY medicated/coming out of the influence of anesthesia) “ummm, I have an 18-month old???” I’ve heard people talk about that deer-in-the-headlights-look, well, folks, he had it! Fortunately, my Mom was able to come up the next day and spend the week with me, helping to take care of Teddy.

Fast forward one year (almost exactly), and it happened again!?! This time, I was pretty sure what was going on, and we went to the hospital where my OB/GYN practices, instead of the absolute closest hospital. When all was said and done, she told me that I needed to stay on birth control, and make sure I was taking it regular, because that appeared to be what was causing the problem, was when I decided to skip a month. I didn’t start using birth control until after my son was born. We’d been married almost 3 years, using no birth control, and had just about decided it wasn’t in God’s plan for us to be parents. Well, Teddy proved that theory wrong, and I didn’t want any sudden “surprises” while he was still in diapers. So I don’t know if this all could’ve been avoided if I’d never started taking the pill in the first place, or if it would’ve happened anyway, but for many years, I was on medical instructions to take birth control, even though I would’ve loved to stopped and maybe have at least one more child.

Fast forward almost 2 years – third times the charm, they say… I’d been told if it ever happened again, I’d lose my right ovary. We’d moved, and I was getting my yearly “exams” done by my family doctor. So when I felt those familiar twinges, and went to the ER, I got some random OB/GYN on call that day (doctor from H-E-double-hockey-sticks, but THAT’S another story). At first he didn’t believe me, until I got previous OB/GYN to fax my records over. He finally scheduled the surgery, and removed 1/3 of my ovary, which shocked me, because I was expecting to lose it. But it did fix the problem, because I haven’t had an ovarian torsion since, thank God. (And I haven’t taken any birth control in over 18 months!)

I guess I shared all that because I understand if there’s a medical need to be on birth control, because I’ve been there. And I don’t know how many children I might have right now if I’d never started taking birth control and fully trusted all of that to God. I do know, however, that the past is the past, and God wants us to keep moving forward and not looking back, so I can’t dwell on shoulda/woulda/coulda. (I also can’t begin to imagine how much more difficult my life would be right now with more than one child.) I just concentrate on what IS, and what I believe God wants me to do NOW. And right now, I believe that’s trying to provide for my son – by finding a job, going back to school, and doin’ this homesteading thing I feel God impressing upon me is so important.

12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
15 Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. 16 Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule,[b] let us be of the same mind.  Philippians 3:12-16 NKJV