Now on to why I’m up so late tonight – but at least it’s still tonight, and not tomorrow morning!

How much longer do I have to listen to my son ask me “Mama, when will you get me a new Daddy?” Yes, he understands that we are not divorced yet, and like any child, does not want that fate to befall his parents. I believe he also understands that – short of a miracle, it will happen.  He knows there is such a wide gap in what I believe, and am teaching him to believe, and what his dad believes (or rather, doesn’t believe in). Because he wants a Daddy that he knows cares about him, all the time, everyday, not just when he (Teddy) is physically present.

How long must I watch him be disappointed? How long must my heart break for my child? He, like any son, has absolute love in his heart for his father. I cannot blame him for that – it’s the way God hard-wired him. But it breaks my heart to see him disappointed over and over again – when the phone doesn’t ring (not that it was scheduled to), when he doesn’t have an e-mail from his dad in response to one he sent, or one that wasn’t sent “just because.”

I was open and allowed him to spend 2 weeks – 2 whole weeks with his dad this summer. I put him on a plane all by himself (he did just great, just like I knew he would), and he had a grand time. They saw the sights, they sat and watched TV, and played video games – things fathers and sons do together. And he hasn’t bothered contacting his son ONCE, not one single solitary time in the almost 2 months he’s been back home. Of course, what should I expect from the man who calls his son on Christmas, and only talked to him again end of Feb/first of March b/c Teddy was pitching an “I WANT MY DADDY” fit, so I whipped out my cell, scrolled down to the number, hit send, and handed him the phone. And that was the last he talked to him until Teddy went out to see him.

The men in our church have stepped up as much as they can to help out; but they do have their own families to raise. My wonderful Christian boss I mentioned in the previous post is setting an example, too, and helping out where he can. But this child needs someone on a near day-in-day-out basis, someone to talk too, play ball with, go fishing with, go hunting with, learn how to be a guy – ‘cuz God knows I have no clue! (Uncle Jason – we miss you dearly!)

My prayer is that God will please send a father-figure into Teddy’s life for the here and now. I’m having a hard enough time being Mom; I definitely don’t know how to be Dad, too!

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