Today, for just a few minutes, can I please relinquish my grown-up status, and revert back to insecure kid for just a little while? I’m tired of acting like I’ve got everything handled and together, when inside, I feel like curling up in a ball and just want somebody to hold me while I cry.

And while I’ve felt God’s love, I’ve felt His strength, I’ve never – in all my almost 34 years –  felt truly held by Him (as referenced in so many Christian songs, for instance Natalie Grant’s “Held” or Tenth Avenue North’s “Over and Underneath”).

My back doctor (not in so many words) told me today I’m gonna hafta “grin and bear it” because my x-rays look beautiful and the bone is growing in wonderfully. Just keep taking pain management measures because it’s a “mechanical” issue and not a structural one – meaning continue to build up muscle strength around the area. It didn’t seem to matter that I told him physical therapy isn’t helping – at all. GRRRR! So I get to go back in a month.

So instead of relinquishing grown-up status, I get to be Mommy, and help with homework, and pretend everything is all right, and figure out why the new 3DS isn’t working, and do all this with a headache and a backache, and wish I could feel God holding me.

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